Over the years, I have noticed that couples who struggle in couples therapy have similar unhelpful beliefs in common. I hope that this post will help you to identify, and address, beliefs that might undermine your therapy, thus increasing the likelihood that you both get the outcomes that you want.
Myth no. 1 Showing up to sessions will be enough for my relationship to change.
My observations:
The work that you do in a session, will show up between sessions, in your conscious decisions to change, as individuals and as a couple. For instance, you may choose to replace reactivity and arguments with curiosity and calm discussions.
Top tip no. 1
To get the most out of couples therapy, be prepared to reflect and do the work between sessions; this may require you to stretch beyond your comfort zone.
Myth no. 2 Couples therapy is about offloading my negative thoughts and feelings about my partner.
My observations:
It is tempting to believe this, especially if you are now at breaking point. However, Imago Therapy emphasises safe communication. This means avoiding communication that is deliberately hurtful to your partner, and typically, I will invite you to avoid blame, shame or criticism.
The session will be a place where you and your partner can share what is true for each of you.
You will each be responsible for what you say, and how you say it, but you will NOT be responsible for the way that your words are received.
Top tip no. 2
Go into therapy with a willingness to learn how to hear your partner, communicate so that you can be heard, and validate each other’s experiences.
Myth no. 3 Couples counselling is for times of crisis.
My observations:
Yes and no!
Again, this belief is understandable, especially as psychotherapy is generally viewed as a form of crisis intervention.
Whilst it is often sought during times of crises, such as an affair, couples counselling is suitable for times of relative calm, for instance, if you want to deepen your understanding of issues that you may have worked on in the past.
Whatever stage you are at in your relationship, Imago Therapy will help you to uncover and address the impact of your childhood experiences on your beliefs about relationships, whilst crafting a shared vision of your future. For some couples, this future will be a shared one, for others, couples counselling will support them through the process of an amicable break-up.
Top tip no. 3
Couples counselling seems to be more successful if a couple still likes or loves each other, or is genuinely open to rediscovering their love.
I specialise in working with couples who want to build a conscious, loving relationship, if you would like to discuss how I can help you, feel free to get in touch.
Authored by Karen Morris, Relationship Specialist
Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash